Sharyn Atkinson

Just your average single girl, blogging about an unusual single world

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Posted 168 weeks ago

Ms Honest

I had the privilege of interviewing Ms Sledge Hammer. I’ve decided to call her that because she says things exactly as they are. In true G.F. style there is no sugar coating the hard times she has gone through when she was married or on the dating scene. And there is no hiding the smile on her face thanks to her wonderful finance either. My interview with her is brutally honest, and I’m truly grateful that she trusts me to share some pretty intimate details regarding her personal life. Thank you!

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So what’s your relationship status at the moment?

I’m engaged, living with my partner.


Do you believe in the one?
I do believe the one, absolutely.

Is your fiance the one?
Yeah absolutely, without a doubt he is definitely the one. I’m really lucky.

How would you describe your personal life so far?
I look at my life and I’ve had some fantastic and amazing times. I’ve had moments in my life where I’ve gone from such a high to a low, but the space I’m in at the moment, I couldn’t ask for anything better. I’m exactly where I want to be.

So before you got to this happy place, was there someone you went out with that was just a disaster from the start?
Yeah! Where do I start? There’s not just one, there’s numerous ones. After my marriage break down I had to go back on the dating scene and reconnect with some sort of a personal life and make new friends. I had to start from scratch again. ‘Cause you know, in your married life you really don’t see anyone, you sort of become boring if that makes sense?  And then all of a sudden I had to start my whole life again, and I was actually really eager to do that. I had a clean slate and I was excited to go out. I loved going out and meeting people. I would go out every weekend and I would wonder how I could come from such a happy place when I was married to leading such a shallow life. Every weekend I would meet someone different and I would think why can’t it go from A to B to C? I’m stuck at A leading this shallow life.

There was this one guy in particular that I was seeing, not dating, just seeing and like… we, we never communicated but there was that sexual attraction. But we never communicated so he never knew much about who I was and I didn’t know much about him. We didn’t open up. And that went on for about a year or so and I was still seeing other people in between. There would be times where he would say ‘lets catch up’ and he would always do it at the last minute. I hated it. I always thought that if you were going to court someone you would have the respect to call and see what the other person was doing. He was the sort of person that would say ‘Hey let’s go away’, but then I wouldn’t even get a phone call and I would be sitting there waiting and he didn’t even show up. So that was a disaster.

Another time, a guy that I really really liked, just didn’t like me the same way back. I liked him and then it just sort of shrivelled. But I put it down to you will always have people you’re going to be attracted to, but you’re not attractive long-term just short-term.

Another guy I was seeing, things started out really well and then he started treating me like I was a bit on the side, just there for sex. And again call me at the last minute to see what I was doing. And once he called me and I was in Rosebud and he wanted to know where I was and my attitude was like ‘no fuck you’. I ended up meeting someone different that night.

I had constant disappointment from guys but you have this hope that something is going to work out. And you get into that vicious cycle where someone does like you, but they just don’t see you as a long-term person. You start feeling that you’re not worthy of anyone. It’s a really shallow feeling. It’s pretty shit.

So what’s the best date you’ve ever been on?
With my ex, we went on a first date and we caught up in St Kilda. I don’t want to use my current partner because he’s present and we’ve had lots of good dates, but I want to talk about my past. My ex is my past so I will tell you about him. We went to St Kilda and went for dinner at Mumma O’s and I wanted a parama, but I wanted it with tomato sauce. And he was like ‘oh my god, me too! I love tomato sauce.’ Later that night we just went to an Irish pub and were drinking but we had the best night. We went for a walk along the beach, and it was like a never-ending night. I remember when he rocked up at my house, I was wearing jeans and was just casual and he had on pants and a shirt. He was trying to impress me and I was like ‘oh my god, I’m under dressed’. He tried so hard, and made sure it was a beautiful night. And it really was. You know those nights where you come home and you kind of click your toes because you’ve had such a great night… It was one of those nights.

Ok so riddle me this. Have you ever given someone the benefit of the doubt and gone out with him, when you really didn’t think it was a great idea?
When I was in Europe I met this guy from Australia. Actually I met two guys from Australia, but one I really liked so I wanted to hook up with him back in Australia. But I met this other guy and he saw me as such an amazing person, but I didn’t feel the same way. When we got back to Australia he made contact with me and I thought, you know what, I’ll give him a go. He was a Greek guy. And, I actually did not like him, but he was so amazed by me. We had our fun times in Europe and stuff but I didn’t like him at all. He kept calling me, calling me and I ended up just ignoring his calls. So I was a bit of a bloke in that situation. Wasn’t feeling it.

If you think about your past relationships, is there one person that you think of as ‘the one who got away’?
Yup. My ex-husband.
Really?
Yup.
How come?
The relationship we had, we were spiritually connected. We were like kindred spirits. He is someone that will always be in my heart. As much as we fought and stuff like that, he will be. He was too technical in the way he thought, where as I was much more a free spirit. It was like a tragic romance, it shouldn’t have fallen apart. And he fought for about four years, trying to get me back and even though I wanted to go back to him I just couldn’t. It was too late. The damage was done. And I still feel sad to this day because it was such a beautiful relationship.

What’s the best advice someone has given you when it comes to relationships?
I’m always the one that gives the advice. I don’t think I’ve ever asked for advice from anyone. I see things as they are, I feel it, and I move on. So I don’t go to someone and ask what I should do, I know what I have to do. Even when I don’t like how things are sometimes, you just have to face it and move on. I do what’s best for me.

What’s the best thing you’ve done after a break up?
Just go and party hard, run a muck and don’t look back.

What’s the worst thing you’ve done after a break up?
Driven past my ex’s house when he was with a girl he was seeing. I wanted to scratch his car. But I didn’t, I sat in the car with a guy I was seeing. I made him come with me.
Really?
Yeah I said that I wanted to drive past and he said ‘Yeah ok, let’s go and scratch his car.” That is how much this guy liked me, but I didn’t like him. I was just using him. I remember driving past and then just sitting out there. Another time, I remember one Friday night, I was smashed, off my face, I made the taxi driver drive past his place. And that girl was there and I said to the taxi driver “that’s that bitch that ruined my marriage” and I almost made the taxi driver stop so that I could go and knock on the door and ask her how she could do something like that. But I didn’t do it. And then another time, I had a hire car from work, and I remember sitting out the front with a girl from work just to see if we could see this girl. But we didn’t see her. I wanted to know what she looked like.

Where do you think the best place is to meet people?
People say not at a club or a bar, but I think it’s the best place. There are a few people on drugs on the scene so you can meet someone and it’s not the real version. And they wont remember who you are or whatever. But every time I’ve met a guy and it has turned into a relationship, I’ve met him at a bar.

What do you think of on-line dating?
I think it’s a new way of meeting someone. It’s the same as meeting someone naturally. You still come across the same bullshit, the same game players, it’s just a quicker way to meet someone. And you can figure that person out a lot faster.

Have you ever done online dating?
I have. Through facebook. But every time I did it, it never worked out because they were pretty fucked up. But then it could just be the circumstances where you haven’t met someone properly.

So which do you prefer?
I find that when you meet someone naturally, face-to-face, you get to know them slower and it becomes a more nurturing relationship. It doesn’t mean it will work out, but you know, long term I think it’s better.

If you were going to give anyone some dating advice, what would it be?
Go out and have fun. Don’t take life seriously. When you first meet someone don’t be too harsh on them, because when you first meet someone you don’t know who they are. They’re in the dating game as well. And they’re going through the same lying and bullshit that you’re going through, and sometimes some of the negative things you find in that person mean nothing. If you want to write them off, give them another chance and get to know them a bit more. When you start uncovering all of the different layers about a person you can actually mould that person as well.

What do you think the key is to a successful relationship?
The first thing, you need to have good sex. If you can’t have good sex, you’re fucked. Communication, I know that’s a given but a lot of people don’t know how to really communicate. Like my finance, when we first started dating he was a very quite person. He wasn’t a good communicator and I had to draw a lot of information out of him. And when he started to feel more comfortable that’s when we started really communicating. But I had to force that out of him sometimes. He’s good now.

Do you have any advice for married couples?
Yeah, don’t take advantage of each other. Don’t live your life assuming you will be there for each other, forever. Because I’ve been married, I remember walking down the isle and it seems like such a fairy tale and you think your life is going to be perfect. And I used to say to my ex that we had to work on our relationship, and when we broke up, he kind of realised that. You do actually have to because there are times when life with them can be so boring and routine that you have to make that work. I don’t think that people realise the commitment they’re making when they get married. A lot of people don’t understand what they’ve committed to until they’ve fucked it all up. Then they understand it later on.

If you had to do it all again, would you change anything?
I remember thinking this to myself, when my marriage broke down and I was partying hard and stuff. Someone asked me what I would chose if I could chose between being married and happy like I was, or being single for four years like I was at the time. And I can honestly say that I wouldn’t change a thing. There is no way I would want to miss out on the experiences that I’ve had. I would never give that up. As much as I loved the person I was married to, I wouldn’t change a thing. Time heals all wounds, I really believe that and I have no regrets. 

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Posted 168 weeks ago